blindforlove | Golden Peacock inbox

What, were you thinking about letting this change anything? After all that's happened?

[ He asks with a roll of his eyes. ]

Daozhang Xiao Xingchen, it's been so long. You've been so eager to ignore your past that you threw yourself into living like this at the first chance. So now you know; so what? Just keep ignoring it and things will stay the same.

[ Even if Xiao Xingchen has some grand ideas about bringing Xue Yang to justice or whatever, it's plenty clear that things are much better when they live together like they've been doing. Both before, and now here. And what would "justice" even mean here? The jail is useless. Would he kill Xue Yang personally?

The memory of himself in that painting, lifeless, arm gone, bubbles up in Xue Yang's mind for a moment before he pushes it back down. Those were just someone's idea of a weird joke. They had to be.

They had to be. ]

[Even while seated like this and the memory looks just as it would have in the past, Xiao Xingchen feels the room continue to spin around him. The sensation makes it harder to think, undercutting his feelings, almost making it easier to go along with what's being said. At least that's surely the reason why these words sound rational. That's the only way he could even entertain the idea of it being that easy.]

That--

[He starts, about to protest, but the words fade along with any remaining conviction in his face. Many others try to resist the hotel's temptations, seeking ways around eating the food--Xiao Xingchen never went so far.

It isn't entirely true. Sexuality is not longer something foreign to him, and he's become more indulgent where he once practiced restraint, but he hasn't gone so far to be complacent with evil. Has he? He always goes about to help people out of any particularly distressing situations, such as times like this. It's only... he knows better than to think that he could ever defeat the source of what keeps them all captive. How could he be blamed for not marching up to it and challenging it? The more likely result would be making things worse for everyone. And if he were to somehow vanquish the power behind the hotel and let everyone go home, would he actually want to leave?

Even before he saw his portrait, he would have hesitated. That life before has been cut short, and so there's nothing waiting for him. A-Qing's portrait showed a young woman still alive, which is all the confirmation that Xiao Xingchen can have that she is fine on her own. Even without him, she'll likely find her way to a good life, just as long as she remembers a little caution sometimes.

He might be falling for a trick, but it reinforces what he already believed to be the case.]

Ignoring everything that happened before as if none of it ever mattered... how can it be that easy? But perhaps you're right. I mustn't...

[The dizziness turns more intense, and he presses his wrist to his forehead. Even while sitting down, and his other hand barely reaches out in time to catch himself before he falls to his side. His voice softens to a whisper, as even his arm looks ready to buckle and collapse.]

I mustn't dwell on the past.

[He could never stop seeing with this blindfold over his eyes, but everything of the memory around him starts fading into blackness.]

Daozhang--

[ Xue Yang watches as Xiao Xingchen struggles with himself. Is this really something so hard for him? He already knows that life with just the two of them is fun and easy. Does the fact that now he finally knows it's Xue Yang really make it that hard to accept that?

--Except then Xiao Xingchen is outright collapsing, and that doesn't seem like it should happen. Fall over, sure, that happened to Xue Yang here too, but he's still upright, still conscious--

... Maybe not upright, actually, as Xue Yang startles and unconsciously tries to move forwards and finds himself half sprawled out on the floor for it. What the fuck is up with their balance here? ]

Xiao Xingchen. Hey. Daozhang Xiao Xingchen.

[ There's no response, and Xue Yang gives a sharp tsk. What, is he expected to carry the guy out of here? When he can't even stand, himself? Stupid. Why would he bother with something as ridiculous as that?

He manages to pull himself over to Xiao Xingchen, then after a bit of maneuvering, gets the two of them across the tunnel, and finally out into the next area. ]

[When Xiao Xingchen’s senses return to him, the sight of a familiar ceiling appears before him instantly, flashing in his “vision” as consciousness filters back to him. He remembers feeling of seeing too much too suddenly when first using this blindfold, and while he acclimated to it over time, he never slept wearing it. Waking up with a strange headache still lingering only overwhelmed his senses.

He pulls his blindfold up, over towards his hair without removing it entirely, before awareness of the rest of the situation comes to him. Along with the familiar ceiling, he naturally feels his back on a familiar bed, practically sinking into it. How did he end up back here?

Or… did he actually leave here just now?

In all his time at this place, he doesn’t think he ever had to be carried back here. More than that, however, the scattered memories formed too bizarre of a picture. The hotel is inclined to the unbelievable, but more likely, it was toying with his dreams through his dreams again.

Surely that’s all it was.

As he comes to his conclusion, he hears the faintest sound. It could only be one person.

I had… the strangest dream.

[He rubs at his forehead, obscuring his face.]

[ It's not hard to carry Xiao Xingchen anywhere once Xue Yang can get his feet back under him. He doesn't want to deal with anyone right now, not when Xiao Xingchen is unconscious and he's feeling annoyed after whatever happened to lose him his sense of balance back there. By the time they're most of the way back his annoyance has faded, but he keeps on the same familiar path anyway. It's not like they have anywhere else to go. Xue Yang's room? It's not even fit for living in right now.

When he lays Xiao Xingchen down in his bed, Xue Yang's eyes fall to that blindfold. He considers removing it, but in the end, doesn't. What does it matter if Xiao Xingchen can see or not now? Xue Yang's face only still doesn't look like his own because the effects of the candy won't wear off for another half a day or so.

He settles in and pokes at his Watch until he hears the sound of stirring. Xue Yang turns, only to be met with Xiao Xingchen's voice. ]

Hm?

[ He doesn't disguise his voice, but the sound is wordless and rather nondescript anyway. ]

[Xiao Xingchen sits up, the blindfold still upon his forehead. He turns away from the other man while he turns his legs towards the opposite side of the bed. Not a hurried, sudden action, but more out of subconscious habit.]

I had a dream about these... portraits. And people I knew from long ago.

[That's the most that he could say without getting his friend involved in matters that he doesn't need to know of.]

Everything felt so real.

[But he had another dream that felt real before, too. That doesn't mean anything. there's no reason to assume it was the case, not when everything else felt like a dream. His memories were speaking to him; how could it be real?]

You didn't happen to be dreaming too, did you?

[He's not sure the man would care that much about these things, it simply feels important in the case the hotel is toying with them all again.]

No.

[ It comes out disguised. Xue Yang isn't sure what to make of this, if Xiao Xingchen... Did he think the whole thing was a dream? Why? Weirder things have happened in this place than some pictures on the walls of people he knew before. Weirder than the loss of balance, too.

Was this how he wanted to accept it? By pretending he hadn't really figured out anything, and that his friend was still someone else? Pretend he wasn't friends with Xue Yang of all people?

Or did did something make him really, truly think it was a dream? Xiao Xingchen isn't the type to lie. ]

You passed out so I brought you back here. I didn't dream about anything.

[Head still not entirely free of the spinning sensation, Xiao Xingchen's brow furrows. He takes the blindfold all the way off before tucking it into his sleeve and pulling out the ordinary blindfold. At least perhaps not seeing everything will make it feel a bit less troublesome. Perhaps.

If becoming dizzy already felt unusual, passing out like that is something he never does. He knows to expect the unexpected, but the thought is still too strange.]

Everything came on so suddenly. But I truly passed out...? I don't entirely remember where I was. I saw a place from back home, from long ago and--

[Right, he doesn't need to go into further detail about that.]

Ah, I apologize for the trouble of needing to bring me back here.

[ When Xiao Xingchen takes the blindfold off Xue Yang's eyes narrow as they zero in on the back of his head. Not that it's odd for Xiao Xingchen to remove it, especially when they're back in his room, but it seems like more evidence towards the fact that he didn't realize who he was speaking to back then. If he did, wouldn't he be curious how Xue Yang changed his face? Wouldn't he want a closer look?

But it seemed that whatever had happened to him had included some sort of hallucination. After all, nothing in that building was even vaguely reminiscent of anything back home, so unless he'd completely forgotten the looks of things, he wouldn't mistake it. ]

Eh, it's not like I'm missing out on anything. All that place did was make people dizzy. Food stalls weren't that interesting either; they sell better food at Birdbucks.

[ Particularly to brownies. Compared to those, even the banana choco was only mildly tasty.

So... where were things like between the two of them now? Nothing had changed, right? "Xue Yang" was just a dream, said by coincidence. ]

[Xiao Xingchen sets his feet onto the floor, standing back up and giving his robes a light flick to let them fall back into place.

The memory of the dream lingers, much like that other dream from before, and he's sure to not forget it as easily most dreams that fade away after he starts to go about his day. Should he want to forget it? Even a dream has given him quite a bit to think about when it comes to this place. He could ignore it all and pretend that he still might want to return to his home, or he could heed what he saw and what was said...

Still, it won't do much to go on about to his friend.

He turned and smiled at the man, banishing all those thoughts for now.]

Then let's go to Birdbucks and I'll buy something for you there. As my thanks.

[Matters were far more simple with this man. As many secrets he kept from him - even more so in this place - Xiao Xingchen didn't have to be alone in his thoughts in the time they spent together.]

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